


What the Spirits [can shove up their spectral asses, now could you kindly fuck right off?]

by Philomela



Series: It's a Spirit Run World [3]
Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anita Blake also decides to run away, Brief instances of possession, James Potter is accussed of being a specist, M/M, a summoning, because the séance gone wrong wasn't enough of a deterrant, instead of helping someone who's house is on fire, the summoning also goes wrong (needless to say), this is slander, tsk tsk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24398938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philomela/pseuds/Philomela
Summary: Post-partum Harry is now currently the best damn medium for spirits on earth (as far as anyone in their circle was aware). Though it's more the specific group of spirits that take an interest in Harry that he has a problem with.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Charlie Weasley
Series: It's a Spirit Run World [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/124686
Comments: 10
Kudos: 189





	What the Spirits [can shove up their spectral asses, now could you kindly fuck right off?]

**Author's Note:**

> This is it. This is the end. Hopefully, it lives up to your expectations. 
> 
> It was a fun ride, guys. Stay safe out there.

\- **I** -

The first time it happened, both Harry and Charlie were caught off guard.

They had tucked the twins into their crib, activating the special wards that they had commissioned from Bill in order to make it impossible for the twins to accidentally phase out of the crib in the middle of the night, and had crawled into bed and promptly passed out -- dead to the world for the next 8 hours as only parents lucky enough to have a house elf (Kreacher in this case) on bottle duty overnight could.

Charlie had been the first to awaken in the morning, finding his limbs tangled together with Harry's, his lovers head tucked up against his chest and said lover's drool drying on his bare chest. He spelled away the dried saliva, and took the time to enjoy the warmth of the sheets and bare skin surrounding him. He had been carding his fingers through Harry's absolute rat nest of a hair when Harry's eyes suddenly snapped open and he scrambled away from Charlie with a loud shout, falling out of the bed in the panic.

Charlie looked down at his fiancée (they still hadn't gotten around to filing the marriage paperwork at the Ministry because they both couldn't be arsed to head back to London just for that) with concern as he struggled out of sheets he had become entangled in. He was half-amused and half-shocked at the curses coming from the smaller man -- he had heard Mad-Eye using that kind of language, but where would Harry have picked it up?

"Harry? Love? You okay there?" Charlie asked, reaching out and helping to untangle his lover.

"Of course not! He's naked, and you're naked and why did he have to be naked with you? I so did not need to see this," Wide hazel eyes stared up at him forlornly, looking a bit unfocused but still very much freaked out.

"Why are you talking in the third person?" Charlie held out the glasses that had been sitting on the bedside table, now beginning to feel a bit more worried than he had been just moments before.

"Nope, not dealing with this right now. Gotta go bleach my eyes real quick." Charlie watched in alarm as the hazel eyes returned to the emerald green color he knew so well before they rolled back into Harry's head and his body crumpled to the floor.

\- **II** -

One floo call to a Luna Lovegood later, and both Harry and Charlie were left with the decision on whether to laugh until their lungs were empty of all air or to cry until their bodies were dehydrated.

Turns out that enduring a spirit-assisted pregnancy and delivering twins that could turn invisible or phase through solid objects on a whim were just portents of something a bit worse than they had expected: Harry James Potter was now currently the best damn medium for spirits on earth (as far as anyone in their circle was aware).

And of course all of this could be traced back to one person.

Which was why Harry and Charlie were currently standing in Jean-Claude's office, a burrito-wrapped twin held in each of their arms as they stared down at Anita, Jason and Nathaniel sitting on either side of Anita as if they hoped to protect her (which was just precious, but Harry could let them entertain their delusion for as long as this meeting would take).

"I'm sorry, say that again?" Anita asked, eyebrows knitted in confusion and her voice coming out a bit weaker than anyone in the room had ever heard it.

"You messed up my séance, and I got knocked up by a ghost. Now I'm a shining beacon to any spirits that may be hanging around waiting for a chance to hijack a body and of course I've become the perfect medium during the pregnancy so who better to hijack than me?" Harry said again, glaring at Anita with a pout firmly on his lips, and his arms gently rocking twin #2 to and fro.

"For the record --" Anita began, but was quickly cut off by a loud sigh from Charlie.

"It's not your fault, we know. Shoot first, ask questions later," He rolled his eyes before yelling in surprise as twin #1 decided he was bored and phased through his father's arms. Charlie was able to quickly scoop him up before he hit the ground, those old seeker reflexes coming in handy to protect him from Harry's wrath that would have surely eviscerated him if so much as a single hair on the baby’s head was to touch the floor.

"Look, I woke up this morning to my dead father hijacking my body while I was in bed with Charlie and it was a very -- oh for fuck's sake Sirius this is NOT the time!" The room watched as Harry's arms paused in their rocking motion, green eyes darkening to a mischievous dark grey and a smirk appearing on the mouth that had just been in the middle of a rant.

"Ooh, lookit you!" He cooed at twin #2, reaching out a finger to brush over one soft cheek. "Must have been one handsome ghost for you to look this adorable. What did your silly parents name you, prongslet jr #1?"

"Fabian and Gideon, after my uncles. You're holding Gideon, by the way. He likes to go invisible."

"Ayy! The arson twins? You know we're related through my Aunt Lucretia," Sirius-possessing-Harry said with a grin.

"Aye, from my mum's side. Also related through grandmother Cedrella," Charlie pointed out, which apparently tickled Sirius.

"First cousin twice removed! Damn purebloods intermarry too much. I'm probably related to everyone, to be honest. Did ya know Prongslet's also technically my second cousin, on top of being my godson?" Sirius asked as he began making silly faces in an attempt to get Gideon to show off a gummy smile.

"Speaking of which, may I have my fiancé back?" Charlie asked, expression still pleasant, but blue eyes hard and maybe a smidgen angry.

"Booo," Sirius complained, pouting. "You’re no fun. We just wanted to see the kids. Promise." Charlie kept staring until Sirius finally gave in. The others in the room watched as the grey eyes turned back to green, and Harry's body gave one big shudder before his knees seemed to buckle. Jean-Claude was quickly by his side, supporting Harry so that he didn't have the opportunity to collapse as a heap on the floor of the office (he was sure that any lawsuit that Harry could have tried to file against him would have failed simply because he had the best lawyers, but it was always best to prevent situations in which people would want to take him to court -- who knew if Anita's involvement would backfire against him in that situation?).

Harry looked straight at Anita as he gained his footing beneath him and, in a deadpan voice, continued as if he hadn't been interrupted by an episode of spiritual possession, "Like I said."

\- **III** -

It was as Anita was taking her seat in Hadrian’s parlor that a sudden thought struck her.

“You’re a bit different now, after the pregnancy,” she pointed out, eyebrows drawn down and lips curled into a not-quite-pout as she took in her coworker (who was still out on maternity leave because the company was still confused about the whole situation and Hadrian apparently was still taking advantage of it).

“Am I?” Harry looked over at Charlie to see if his lover agreed with the assessment. Charlie looked just as confused as he felt.

"I mean, he was a bit cranky from carrying the twins and then annoyed that his family kept trying to hijack his body, but otherwise he's been the same old Harry," Charlie said, rocking Gideon -- who was currently invisible because he had scared himself with a great big sneeze moments before -- back and forth, the only sign that there was a baby in his arm the tightly tucked baby blanket that still retained his shape.

"No offense," Anita began, immediately piquing both mens' interest because everyone knew that phrase was usually followed closely by something interesting (at the least) or offensive (usually), "but I distinctly remember that he was a bit standoffish at the beginning, not really wanting anything to do with me, and then there were the constant costume changes and his stint at the local brothels."

"When was that?" Charlie asked, looking over at his fiancé with interest, one brow cocked.

"Never. I've never even been inside of a brothel. Ever," Harry protested, though he still had a sly smile on his lips.

"What?" Anita was now thoroughly confused and a touch annoyed. She knew what she saw and heard and her connection with reality was still firmly intact and not up for question -- her latest psych evaluation said as much.

"Oh, you know," Harry began, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "New to town, new to the office -- fresh blood. In those situations, you gotta act aloof and distant; very important early on in order to establish dominance."

"What?" Anita could feel a migraine brewing from trying to tackle the explanation just flung her way.

"That's... an interesting way to look at things. Where did you get that idea from?" Charlie asked, looking over at his fiancé -- who was completely oblivious to the reactions around him and was cooing at Fabian -- and trying to suppress the giggles that desperately wanted to escape.

"Oh, I was so nervous that first day in the house, I called up Luna and asked for some advice," Harry said, looking up at his fiancé and smiling sweetly. Charlie stared back at him, taking in the full picture of his beloved fiancé cradling one softly dozing twin, and reached a hand out to cup one cheek gently before pinching the soft flesh under in a tight vice grip.

"Ow! Charlie! The fuck you do that for?" Harry whined, staring at his partner in disbelief, a hand raised to cover the bruised area and protect it from any further abuse.

"For taking advice on human interaction from Luna fucking Lovegood."

"And the clothes? What about the clothes?" Anita asked, having finally moved beyond the bewilderment that had enthralled her seconds before.

"I was just fucking with you."

\- **IV** -

"So I've called you all here to help me summon a group of very irritating spirits," Harry announced, looking around at the people he had gathered in his manor's dining room -- which had been quickly rearranged in order to facilitate the large project they were about to undertake.

"I thought we were doing a séance?" Hermione asked, from where she was positioned between Wicked and Truth -- the presence of the pair had surprised Anita who hadn't known they had ever had the chance to run into Harry, but at this point, she really should have known better than to make any assumptions about the post-partum psychic.

"Is a summoning not the same thing as a séance?" Nathaniel asked confused, looking towards Anita as if she would be savvy to the differences in terminology.

"Definitely not," Hermione responded. "In a séance you are just trying to contact the spirits, but said spirits are kept in their plane of existence. In a summoning, you try and bring the spirits to our plane of existence."

"If I was just doing a séance, I wouldn't need Anita or her harem," Harry pointed out, as he checked the sleeping charms that had been placed on his twins -- now placed in the center of the table, along with a familiar cloak, ring, and wand.

"Not a harem," Anita shot back, more from force of habit at this point than due to any strong feelings she had to the term.

"Agree to disagree," Harry said with a grin, before clearing his throat and looking around at everyone. "Alright, any other questions before we begin?"

"Just one," Fred said, leaning forward.

"A very important one, though," George continued, affecting a stern look.

"What exactly are you planning," Fred said, voice entering threatening territory.

"On doing with our godkids?" George finished, attempting to menace their brother-in-law.

"Oh don't worry," Harry said, laughing and shooing the two twins back into their seats. "They're just bait."

"Oh," Ron said, nodding sagely. "Just bait. Makes sense." Jason and Nathaniel, who were sat to either side of him, turned to look at him in disbelief. "Oh come off it. Of course it doesn't make sense, I'm not an idiot!" Ron cried out in defense.

"Not bait bait." Harry said, not even trying to hide his exasperation.

"More of an incentive," Luna chimed in, coming to Harry's rescue.

"Exactly!" Harry cried out. "They're an incentive for my bloody family to get over here. Now enough questions!" He shouted as he saw some more mouths open, presumably to ask questions (or perhaps to make a comment, which Harry was also not willing to allow at the moment). "Let's get on with it already. Now, hold hands!"

Green eyes stared around the table, lingering on Anita with particular intensity (Anita glared back, though she knew that she deserved the extra scrutiny all things considered), making sure that everyone was following his instructions.

"Good. Now, don't let go until I say so. Need I remind you, the last time someone didn't follow directions, I got knocked up by a ghost." Once he was satisfied that everyone was properly scared into following orders, Harry turned his attention to the table of offerings and couldn't help but roll his eyes at the lengths he had to go to find some peace and quiet. Even Death would have been easier to summon than these four trouble makers.

Anita watched as Harry closed his eyes, looking quite serene and not at all as if he was drawing on the energy of every person in their connected human circle; she watched as the oddly shimmering cloak caught on fire, the flames quickly burning through the material before engulfing the ring and wand that had been placed nearby. She watched as the flames made a circle around the still sleeping infant twins -- there was no way that they were just normally sleeping, magic must have been involved -- but did not seem to be interested in jumping to their swaddled forms. Anita watched warily as the lights in the room flickered before seeming to increase in brightness and intensity until it became painful to look up.

She had only closed her eyes briefly, but when she found herself blinking them open the lights had dimmed back to their normal levels and there were now four -- very solid -- figures crumpled in a big heap on the large dining table.

"What the hell?!" Harry cried out when he saw the heap of bodies that were now sorting themselves out -- this did not reassure Anita at all. "Why are you guys physical? You're supposed to be spectral!"

"Oh, I must have forgotten to mention," Luna spoke up, looking not at all appropriately apologetic. "I brought some golems along with me."

"You WHAT?!" The shriek came from Hermione, though Anita saw that Harry had contributed some of the shrillness to the shouted question.

"What's a golem?" Richard asked from between the two Weasley twins who quickly leaned in and brought him up to speed. Anita wished the two wizards she was between -- a husband and wife possibly named Bill and Fleur -- would do the same, though as she had no intention on asking a question, the chance would be very slim indeed.

"CLOTHES! PUT ON CLOTHES YOU STUPID MUTT!" Harry shouted at the naked form of Sirius Black whom had attempted to pick up one of the sleeping twins and didn't seem to feel self-conscious or a single shred of embarrassment at his nakedness. Charlie, thankfully, took matters into his own hands and quickly summoned a pile of clothes from their bedroom for the adults to choose from.

"Well, now you know how I felt waking up naked next to your husband," James said, hopping down from the table once fully dressed -- and kindly helping his wife (who had to choose from Harry's smaller clothes) down as well.

"I'm sorry that I was naked," Harry said, not sounding sorry at all. "But I wasn't expecting to be possessed by the spirit of my DEAD FATHER."

"And he's very sorry for that, aren't you dear," Lily said, shooting a sharp glare at her husband.

"Yeah, I suppose that was my punishment," James muttered, notably not offering a proper apology.

"Hey, you guys think we can transform in our swanky new bodies?" Sirius asked, a thoughtful look on his face before promptly sliding into his canine form. Seeing the easy transformation, James quickly followed suit leaving a very satisfied stag with an impressively large and menacing rack standing next to a redheaded woman who has now burying her face in her hands at the display.

To the wizards surprise -- since Anita and her entourage were already suitably shocked by the displays so far -- Remus also shifted, though his form was very much that of a large grey wolf.

The group watched as the animals took off chasing one another through the house, haphazardly colliding with tables, knocking over vases, and running headfirst into walls as they forged a path of destruction through their new surroundings.

With a sigh that came from the very depths of his soul, Harry turned to his mother -- the only sensible one it seemed.

"Would you like to meet my twins?"

"Of course I would Prongslet."

"That one's Fabian, and this one's Gideon," Charlie helpfully pointed out as Harry gently passed the still sleeping infants over to their grandmother.

"They're lovely." Lily offered as she stared down at their small faces

"They're in a magically induced coma," Ron pointed out helpfully from across the room.

"Otherwise Gideon likes to go invisible and Fabian likes to phase through physical matter," Hermione explained at the concerned look on Lily's face.

"Oh. Well, I suppose that's why you have so much help then," she said, gesturing at the crowd of people awkwardly making small talk.

"Yup. Anita -- coworker -- and her harem are my emergency babysitters."

"Oi! What's this about having leeches babysitting my grandsons?!"

Harry turned to face the returning trio, silently asking any deity listening in to give him the strength to not murder his newly resurrected father.

"Considering the fact that your bestfriend and my honorary uncle is a werewolf, I am shocked and appalled to find out that the bastion of all things fair and just is a specist," Harry responded, giving his father a look that was equal parts horror and disappointment.

"I hope you two don't pick up on any of your grandfather's appalling manners," Lily said, rocking the comatose pair of twins in her arms as she shot a look of disappointment at her husband.

"Yikes, James," Sirius said, moving away from his friend and closer to Remus.

"Really not a good look for you," Remus said, shaking his head and tutting at the Potter who stood and watched his entire family turn on him over a poorly thought out comment.

"I'm not specist!" James spluttered in denial as he looked from person to person, eyes begging them to believe him.

"Calling vampires leeches in the year of our lord, 2020," Harry continued, shaking his head, unable to even look his father in the eye.

"You know they have rights now?" Fred asked.

"Yeah, and Charlie's from Romania, where the guy in charge of the dragon reserve's a vampire. Isn't that right?" George asked.

"I also believe the Romanian ministry has a vampire in the minster's cabinet," Charlie added, nodding in agreement.

"Is any of this true?" Jason asked, turning to the vampires with a questioning look.

"Never been to Romania," Wicked answered, shrugging a shoulder.

"Glad to know we have rights though," Truth said, looking pleased with that knowledge.

"Hmmm," Jean-Claude hummed, looking at Charlie thoughtfully. Asher, who had moved to stand at his side, threw him a warning look.

"Guys, come on," James pleaded.

"I suppose I could learn to forgive you," Harry began, catching James' attention. "Though you'd have to agree to provide some blood donations to our friends over there."

"It's the best way to apologize to them," Remus agreed.

"Only way to prove yourself, mate," Sirius added, shrugging at James when said Marauder looked at him for help.

"Sounds fair," Lily agreed, not able to find fault with the proposal.

"Fine! I'll do it!" James shouted, throwing his hands up in the air and admitting defeat.

"Great!" Harry said, pleased with that outcome. "So it's Jean-Claude and Asher's turn to babysit tomorrow, you can take the twins over to them and hand over a pint or two of blood while you're there." Harry turned to said vampires to see if they were in agreement.

"I look forward to your visit tomorrow, Monsieur Potter." Jean-Claude said, bowing his head ever so slightly in thanks.

"Wonderful!" Harry said, clapping his hands together once to signal his pleasure at the arrangements. "Well, I think that concludes today's failed summoning. Thank you all for being here, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to go home now," he continued, smiling brightly.

"It's been a long day and he's understandably very drained from the whole ordeal," Charlie said, smoothly stepping in to explain on his fiancé's behalf.

The assembled guests all expressed their understanding and quickly exchanged polite farewells before leaving -- the wizards through the fireplace (of all things) and the non-magically inclined through the front door (as it should be).

As Anita and her assembled menagerie of magical creatures walked down the path to their parked cars, she thought she could faintly hear the sound of crashing and indignant shouts behind her followed by Harry's distinctive voice clearly yelling, "I brought you guys into this world and I swear to Merlin I will take you right out!"

"Did you hear something?" Nathaniel asked, looking back at the house with worry (bless his kind heart).

"Nothing," Anita said, lying through her teeth.

"Well," Richard said, before falling into silence as he struggled to put his thoughts into a coherent sentence.

"They were an interesting bunch," Wicked said, smirking in amusement.

"Understatement of the century," Anita muttered.

She peeked back at the house over her shoulder -- spotting what appeared to be a contained fire burning merrily in the front of the house -- before turning back around and walking ever so slightly faster (away from her coworker).

That was _so_ not her problem.


End file.
